Jack Macdonald

Where do I begin?

It’s been a long up and down journey for me when it comes to this ‘feeling’ that we call confidence.

I assume it’s like that for everyone.

It’s been quite hard to write about for some reason… unsure as to why, I’ve had to remind myself that not everything needs an answer.

One thing that has come easily regarding this topic, however, is my definition of confidence, so maybe it’s best to start there.

To me, confidence is being able to walk into any room as yourself.

Probably good to let that simmer for a bit and think about what confidence looks like for you before moving on.

For me, this means staying true to what I believe in, not conforming to the environment around me if it doesn’t align with who I am and being able to act and speak with conviction.

Today, I would say that I am quite good at these things, however, it has not always been like this, and it’s taken me quite some time to get here. That’s the thing about confidence, it is earned rather than given, and even when you have it, there’s no guarantee that it’s here to stay, always having to constantly earn it back.

Fucking confidence…

Overcoming certain roadblocks and thought patterns has been all part of the journey to feel as I do now. It’s amazing how stubborn our minds can be! I learned very quickly that everything is interconnected when it comes to confidence, a lack of confidence in one area of your life is sure to have a cascading effect on other areas, impacting the ‘whole.’

One of those small things that impacted the ‘whole’ for myself was a minor speech impediment that made it hard for me to pronounce words starting with certain letters. I first noticed it at age eleven and remember my mum taking me to see a speech therapist about it. I say “minor” because it was something that I was able to manage and work around for the most part, to the point that even my closest family and friends would have had no idea. Although it was non-existent from the outside, it was certainly existent on the inside, causing me quite a bit of anguish and grief. A good reminder that there’s usually a lot more than meets the eye.

Even today, this impediment (pretty sure that’s what you’d call it) rears its ugly head every so often. Granted it doesn’t affect me as much as it once did, as it used to really knock me around and permeate into other areas of my life, but it does act as a reminder that confidence is an everlasting journey, and something that comes and goes. I’ve had to accept this much.

Whether it’s a speech impediment, low self-esteem, a fear of judgement, or even your wardrobe that’s holding you back from the confidence you’re capable of, they can all be overcome.

Personally, I focused on getting out of my own way first. Understanding and accepting that a lot of what I was dealing with was originating in my own mind. This helped me to change my internal dialogue and rather than telling myself to stay away from the problem, I began to welcome it and even lean into it. This was a massive step in the right direction for me as it meant I no longer feared certain scenarios or conversations anymore, instead I used them to practice the words that I had trouble with until they were no longer a problem.

I don’t want it to sound like it was as easy as flipping a switch in my mind and then suddenly I was full of confidence, because that certainly wasn’t the case. There were lots of uncomfortable moments, backwards steps, and bumps along the way. So don’t expect it to come at once, expect it to be hard, and expect the journey to be a long one.

A journey however, that is more than worth it! The beauty of confidence that I’ve found is that it compounds and builds momentum. So just as it feels like you’re climbing uphill when you’re experiencing a lack of it, it feels as if you’re running downhill when you have it. Fuck running up hills all your life!

So go out and find those small things that are holding you back from your most confident self and start facing them one by one. Sitting down to really think about what these may be without any distractions will help to make sure that you’re identifying the right things. I certainly spent a lot of time in thought and deep reflection to figure out what they were for me.

Today, it feels as though the world is at my feet. It’s an amazing feeling, and one that everyone deserves to feel. Not only does it feel great, but it’s had a major impact on my life.

Hopefully sharing my journey will help you to feel the same, and walk into every room as yourself, with confidence.

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