Jack Macdonald

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

I first heard this statement a few years ago. Somewhat sceptical of its truth, I remember going through my head thinking about who those people were for me, what they stood for, what they did, what their interests were, how they carried themselves, etc. I then started to think about where I fit within them all, and how they have each influenced me.

After some deep thought, I remember thinking “Holy shit! That might be true.”

It’s a fascinating exercise to do. I’d be shocked if you didn’t come to a similar realisation.

A realisation that who we choose to surround ourselves with is a very big deal!  

There’s quite a few ‘sexy’ statistics out there that I could insert here to support my opinion on this, however, I’d rather not lean on those, you can find supporting evidence and statistics for just about anything these days… My own truth and experiences are what I’ll lean on instead, as always.  

Having attended multiple schools growing up, and then living in different countries, I have many friend groups scattered all over the world from various cultures and backgrounds. I count myself very lucky.

These friendships are all very different in nature and have given me so much, including some very valuable lessons.

One of the most valuable and liberating things that I’ve learned through my experiences and relationships thus far is that it’s ok to grow apart from people. In fact, it’s necessary.

I see a lot of people struggle with this truth, and I see why…

It’s not easy to grow apart from someone that we’ve shared so many memories and experiences with. Someone we’ve grown up with, cried with, laughed with, got into trouble with, navigated puberty with, etc. It’s not easy, but it’s only natural.

Every day we are growing and changing. Experiencing life at a different frequency and pace to one another, and so it’s no wonder that my experience will be different to yours and vice versa. Therefore, it’s easy to see why people we align with at one point in time, will not necessarily align with us in another.

Now I’m not saying that we must cut ties completely with people, although there will likely be a few… I’m saying that all because we’ve grown up with someone, it doesn’t mean we must be joined at the hip for our life’s entirety.  

I’ve understood that it’s ok to recognise when you’re heading in a different direction to someone, that you now value different things and want different lives. That it’s ok to acknowledge that you will not spend the same amount of time with someone as you once did and share as many memories. It happens to us all whether we like it or not, and therefore it’s far better to approach the situation with gratitude and appreciation for one another rather than remorse. A mindset shift that’s certainly served me.

Today, I’m lucky to have friends from all over the world. Some of these friends I see often, some I do not, some I am closer with now than I was 5 years ago, and others I was closer with 5 years ago than I am now, some of the relationships can be picked up just where we left off, and others require a rebirth or drift away slowly, some people that were in my life when I was growing up no longer are, whilst there are others who are now in my life that once were not.

This, to me, is the natural progression of life and relationships.

Our close circle, however, is a little different. These are the people that we’re closest with. Whom we spend the most time with or speak to most often. These are the people who we ride the waves of life alongside. Our partner, best friends, business partner/colleagues, our dad, our siblings, etc. Our close circle is like family and has the biggest impact on who we are, and the life that we live.

Therefore, these relationships are more constant in our lives, and it’s these relationships that we must choose wisely, as if our life depends on it. Because like Jim says, it does.

I’ve spent quite a lot of time investing in these relationships and making sure that they are relationships that serve me and are reciprocated. All the people in my close circle are people that I love deeply, respect and admire for different reasons. They are family, and they push me to be the best version of myself.

I can’t stress enough just how big of an impact these people will have on your life, for better or for worse. Just as they can lift you up, they can also drag you down.

So, take some time to think about who these people are in your life, and how they impact you. The questions below might help:

Who is in your close circle?

How do they make you feel?

Can you be yourself around them?

Do they want you to win? Or do they pull you back down?

Do they push you to be a better version of yourself?

Are there people in your close circle that you no longer align with? Why?

What kind of influence do they have on you?

What kind of influence do you have on them?

Is there someone in your wider friendship group that you’d like to spend more time with?

Asking myself these questions often, has helped to make sure that I’m surrounding myself with the right people at the right times. I hope they do the same for you.

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